Rurouni ninja
by evilpinklollipop
Summary: Ninjas really hate to Baby-sit. So, why the hell does he have to be a nanny? How much would Rurouni Kenshin change if a real ninja decided to stick around? T for blood and language.
1. Peachy, just peachy

I'm tired of the normal plots where Kenshin teaches or adopts Naruto, so I'm going to try to write something original. Naruto isn't the one who stumbles on Kenshin, and Kenshin is not the main character either. It's all about our favorite little girl, Kaoru.

Summary: Kaoru's father is killed during the revolution, leaving three year old Kaoru alone far to soon. However an old friend of her father sends someone to take care of her for awhile out of respect. Becoming attached to her, the Ninja decides to stay. How much would Rurouni Kenshin change if Kaoru had an overprotective brother through all of it? Especially, if he none other than Uzumaki Naruto? But before that, will the two of them even survive to make it to meet Kenshin? They have to deal with two wars- The War in Japan, and the Fourth Great Ninja War. Not to mention Asatsuki still wants Kyuubi, Naruto is still the chosen One, Sasuke is still a Missing-nin, and Naruto still has to go through Sanin training! But that's not the worst of it. Man oh man, what the hell are they going to do!

Ok, this is important. LISTEN TO ME!

I know in Rurouni Kenshin, Kenshin and Koaru are thirteen years apart, but I most likely won't put Naruto with Kaoru. Their gonna be twelve years apart. Their relationship will be complicated, but not like that unless the readers want it. I can't really see the Ninja boy falling for a girl he raised though.

Naruto most likely will get a girl later on. Here's your choices!

Naruto/Misao is the one I'm most interested in. But then, their age gap would be even larger. Misao is only fourteen in the anime ... That would make Naruto twice her age. There also the problem that Misao is very immature and obsessed with Aoshi. But I can make it happen if you want it.

Naruto/Megumi would be cool. They are in the same age group too. She mature, smart, pretty... and as tricky as a fox. In the Anime her 'chibi' had fox ears even. She's also headstrong, and will do what she puts her mind to. The only thing that might make it hard, is her personality. She is one of the characters in Rurouni that I didn't particularly enjoy.

Finally there's Naruto/Koaru. You know how I feel about it. However I could see it happening. He is her protector, the one who always there, the one who would throw himself headlong into danger just for her. She also knows they're not related. She has dark blue eyes and black hair. He has bright blue eyes and blond hair. I will write it as best I can if you want it, but it will be hard. Making a person fall for the one who is almost their father figure is very hard. It would be cute though...

You decide, what ever you pick, I'll write.

* * *

"Put that down!" Naruto flung himself forward, pushing her under his chest quickly and curled his body into a protective cocoon.

The loud crash echoed through the dojo as weapons of all types; bokkens, kunias, and short swords, fell. He grunted as sharp pain spread through his back as the last of them whacked him on the neck. Naruto bit his tongue, pretty sure what he wanted to say would get him hit. Tsunade wasn't very forgiving when it came to swearing around her adopted granddaughter.

Naruto let out another grunt, flexing his now sore back muscles.

"Oh!" The little girl looked up at him from her back. Kaoru's eyes were wide and her mouth was shaped in a circle. He tried to glare down at her as another bout of pain shot down his back, but he found it extremely hard. Even when she was in the wrong, she looked far from it. Also, as he found out quickly, her cuteness was a weapon he wasn't able to defeat.

Her huge, doe-like blue eyes stared up at him with innocence he barely saw back in his world now a days. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, her bangs adding to her heart-shaped face, and just to finish the already excruciating cuteness, she always wore a huge blue hair bow. Even though he had faced enemy ninja, twice as powerful and intimidating, he couldn't find himself to face her. She was simple, too cute. Naruto sighed as he got up, pulling her up to her feet to check her over for injuries.

Patting down her kimono he was relieved not to find any.

"Kaoru," He made a face as he struggled to act mature, He really wanted to yell at her. He knelt down to her level, catching eye contact. "That was very bad." Naruto put on a strained smile, a vain pulsing.

"You... should not play in the dojo Kaoru."

Kaoru blinked up at him, her mind racing to a place only children could comprehend. The three year old looked up at Naruto's face and then to the pile of swords around them. Back to him, and back to the mess. Realization flashed through her blue eyes and her face scrunched up into a scowl. She pointed at a sword.

"Mess." She tugged on his sleeve. A large grin which resembled his appeared on her. "Bad!"

Naruto couldn't stop the groan that echoed through the dojo. Why the hell did he accept this mission?

* * *

Chapter one, Mission. Two Months Earlier. Japan.

By Evilpinklolli

Sometimes, it is better to act in grief, than vengeance.

It was dark out and the main streets were empty of life. The street lights were the only source of light, and moths were gathered around them in swarms. No one left their houses after the sun went down for many reasons.

Kamiya Hijo coughed painfully, blood and spit running down his chin and neck, onto the ground. His body pulsed and his head pounded with his heart beat. The pressure in his head had already passed painful, turning into pure agony. His arm and legs felt like rocks. His chest felt like it was on fire and he tried to curl further into himself, but his body wasn't working.

He tried to squeezed his eyes as hard as he could as he noticed them getting hot. His throat went dry, and when he tried to swallow he couldn't. He didn't have the strength anymore.

'Damn it all...' Hijo tried to move his other arm upwards, but found it wouldn't respond.

A dry sob broke through and he cursed the murmurs of the people around him. He wouldn't cry, not around these bastards. The murmurs grew closer, as did the footsteps. He couldn't find himself to care though, he just didn't have the strength. He slowly looked to the side, the still forms of Shinto, Mamaro, and Kenichi lay around him. His students, the very people he taught to protect

...and he couldn't protect them. His hand grew wet as he tried to press his fingers harder to his neck. He closed his eyes.

He didn't want to open them again. Mamaro was only seven. This time he didn't stop the cracked sob that broke through as he realization set in. He wasn't going to make it back to the dojo. He wasn't going to make it out of this alley. His shoulder shook as more sobs came through.

He forgot about his honor. Damn his honor. What did that bring him? He waited for the first strike, thinking only about opponent to opponent, that they also believed in fairness. It was at least four against one. He counted six grown men that had brutally taken down the youngest of the group. He was literally stabbed in the back. He couldn't stop the blood. He lay there in the middle of the alley. He wouldn't make it to a doctor.

He wouldn't make it back to his child.

His body convulsed from the agony and his sob echoed through the street. Oh god, his baby. His little, defenseless Kaoru.

"Please," It was soft, and gurgled by his blood. The murmurs grew almost quite around him. His Kaoru. He gathered as much strength as he could find, Making his sliced windpipe work. He couldn't see them, but he knew they were there. He knew they could hear him. He only hoped to any god that they had some honor.

"Sp..." He trailed off, the footsteps came closer to him then. He could see the shadow next to his face. He made out the bottom of a white gi, and sandals. He tried again.

" Spare, my Kaoru." He hoped, no needed them to have honor. That they would respect his dieing wish.

A sword went through his skull then, putting an end to his suffering.

* * *

It was three days later that the squirrel ran up the side of the tower. The squirrel huffed as it scurried up the wall and wanted to gag at how high it was. When he reached the window out of breath he almost cried in relief. He whipped the sweat off his fur, and wringed his tail out as he grinned. Of course he made it! He was a summon-nin squirrel, he could do this with ease. puffed out his chest with pride, glaring down at the window seal.

Something like a window wouldn't stop him! He would finish his mission! He was the greatest nin squirrel in the world and one day he would be the leader of all squirrel nins! Believe it! With a heave he pulled the window up with everything he had. However, he cried out as he lost his footing, sending him hurtling all the way back to the ground.

Tsunade yawned loudly, stretching in her chair as the secretary came in with the first paperwork of the day. She resisted the urge to grab her beer jug underneath the desk when she saw the women holding a stack of paper that was taller than her, Her hand twitched dangerously.

"Bah, can't you people even wait until I settle in?" She glared at the women as she just rolled her eyes, her face unseen behind the stack. Tsunade was always saying that. Tama placed the large stack down in the middle of the desk with a huff a few files falling off the top.

"This is only the first stack, Hokage-Sama!" She placed her hands on her hips leaning over Tsunade who groaned up at her. "Please finish them before tomorrow this time." Tsunade buried her head into her arms, sinking into her desk.

"You're evil."

"Hokage-sama," Tama warned her as she glared, "Don't even think about-"

She was cut off by a loud knock outside the window. Both women turned towards the left and were surprised by the brown squirrel. It was clearly sweating and looked like it was going to pass out.

"Huh?" Tama stepped towards the window, peering at it in concern. "It looks sick." Tsunade noticed that it had something in its mouth.

"Let it in. It probably has a mission report." Tama nodded and quickly opened the window. It dragged itself in, crawling towards Tsunade's desk.

Thank god! Mr. Squirrel looked up at the women as if heaven itself was behind her. He had made it. Reaching for the note with interest, Tsunade took the note out of his mouth. Almost immediately the summon-nin squirrel cried out in relief and puffed out of existence. She turned the pale colored envelope in her hand, staring at it in confusion. She put all her interest in it, forgetting about the piles of unsigned paperwork on her desk. She was sure she didn't know anyone with a squirrel summon.

"Hokage-Sama." She looked up at Tama, "I'll come back in an hour to get them so, " Tama's glare intensified making Tsunade laugh uneasily at her. "Please do them."

"Yes ma'am." Tsunade said quickly, sweating slightly. Tama huffed loudly before turning around and leaving, slamming the door behind her. God, she was frightening. With a sigh of relief that she was gone, Tsunade put her attention back on the envelope.

"Well," She ripped it open, turning it in her hand, "Who the hell are you?"

* * *

The moon was behind the clouds, making it even darker than normal.

The four people stood silently as the Hokage took a long heavy chug from her keg. It was late and far past curfew for the civilians and some ninjas. Most of the village was already asleep.

"Hey Granny." Tsunade's right eye twitched.

" I got a job for you brat." She sounded tired, Her voice rough and she was slouched in her chair, she looked no way enthusiastic. Three other kegs of beer lay empty on her desk so there was no doubt she had been drinking all day. her desk was full of paperwork, so she probably didn't do much work today either. Naruto looked just as tired.

She slid the folder across the desk, the mission details open and clear to see. He glanced at the first line, catching the age of the client before his face grew dark.

Naruto frowned deeply, glaring back at Tsunade. His arms crossed over his chest and he huffed loudly. His face and orange jacket were covered in sand and dirt, his hair was greasy and out of place. He just got back. Literally, just a few hours ago and she wanted him to leave tonight? She was kidding, right?

Naruto resisted the urge to stomp his feet. He glared grumpily at Tsunade. He wasn't, No way, Nu-Uh.

"What the Hell Grandma! I'm not some snot nosed Genin, get one of them to do it!" He was not going to baby sit. No way in hell. Kakashi sighed next to him, for once not reading his orange book. They had just come back from retrieving Gaara from Akatsuki. It was a battle and Gaara had even died. If it wasn't for Chiyo the mission would had been a failure. Kakashi clinched his hands. Sakura had went directly home still slightly shaken, trusting Kakashi to give the mission report.

Kakashi took a quick glance at Naruto's back from where he stood. From what Kakashi had seen so far, Naruto wasn't alright either. He was passed off. He lost Gaara, even if it was for a moment, he still lost him.

Tsunade's left eye twitched, and in an instant she was on them.

"Shut the hell up, you brat!" Tsunade slammed her hand on the desk loudly, making the Anbu hidden next to her desk flinch slightly. "One more word and I swear I'll kick you into next week." she hissed dangerously.

Her sudden change of mood startled both men, making Naruto take a step back. The venom in her voice chilled the room and even Kakashi stood up straighter. She got up from her seat ominously, staring down the Genin. She was serious, which was a very rare and bad thing.

If she was serious, even an idiot like Naruto knew it was serious as well. Naruto tensed visibly, his face twisting into a scowl and he uncrossed his arms. He didn't like it, but didn't say anything either, locking eyes with her. The intensity of her eyes shocked the scowl right off his face. He stared blankly, unsure how to react. Emotions swirled behind them too quickly for him to understand all of them. She was trying to hide it, but Naruto had known her long enough to see it. He could clearly see the pain.

The room feel into silence as no one knew what to do next.

"Grandma," Naruto took a hesitant step forward, "What happen, Grandma?"

Tsunade closed her eyes slowly and took an unsteady breath. She didn't sit back down. Take the brat to be the one to notice. She sighed, picking up her keg, tilting it back she growled when only a few drops came out. Damn it. Setting it back down she looked back at the brat.

"A friend of mine is dead." There were no emotions in her voice.

"A very close friend." She spread her arms, running her hands across the desk, letting her fingertips run over the paperwork she avoided the entire day. She didn't look back up at Naruto. She couldn't look at him.

"He was like a brother to me." Tsunade's voice was soft and Naruto's eyes went wide as he reeled back in shock. A declaration of family meant a lot to Tsunade, seeing how tragic her past was. Kakashi didn't say a word or make a move, staring at her just as surprised. Tsunade bent her head as she let the emotions she had avoided the entire day finally take effect. The feeling she didn't want.

"He is dead." Tsunade look up catching Naruto in a hard stare again. He was in shock from the amount of emotions playing on his Hokage and Grandma's face. Sadness, pain, anger, loathing, fear.

"I need your help Naruto." Her eyebrows creased and her eyes glazed, "Please."

Naruto stared. kakashi sighed.

* * *

"please', she said.' I need you help' she said." Naruto rolled his eyes, speaking in a high nasally voice. "Your the only one I can believe in." He made a face.

"BAH!"

It wasn't until mid afternoon that he left his apartment the next day. He didn't sleep, instead taking the entire night and all morning reading over the mission files and backgrounds. He finally decided to leave his room after realizing he was pulling out too much hair. Naruto glared down at the road, kicking a rock.

The mission details were tucked under his arm in a folder as he headed toward the hospital slowly. Naruto stared down at the road with his face blank of any thought. However, all he could think about were the events of last night. They were still fresh in his mind. After Kakashi gave their last mission report, he had left. Leaving just him and Tsunade.

It had started off in an awkward silence. Then, to Naruto utter horror, Tsunade broke down crying onto her desk. Not knowing what to do, he just stood there rubbing her back until she was stopped. Naruto groaned and he remembered her blood shot eyes, her trembling lips, and her shaking hands. When she had asked him, pleaded for him to accept the mission he could only nod dumbly. It frightened him to see her like that. Naruto groaned as he went through the doors of the hospital entrance. What was a horrible night anyway, that went even worse. Naruto groaned again as he went through the entrance door.

At first he had wanted to embrace Tsunade, to fight off what ever had made his Grandma so distraught. But then, the further along she went into her story, the more he just wanted to beat the living crap out of her.

"Shit." Naruto hissed underneath his breath as he glared at the innocent looking folder underneath his arm. He was going to baby sit alright, seeing how he already agreed to the mission, but of all the places to go! He looked at the trash can to his left, contemplating how much trouble he would get into if he threw the Hokage into one.

Of all the things, he never thought his teacher and grandma were as stupid as he was when he was a kid. He always thought no one could beat him when it came to stupid stories and even worse pranks. That he was the king of all things that were bad ideas. Now, he just learned, back in Tsunade and Jiraiya's youth, Naruto had nothing on them.

He crumpled the envelope in his hand, glaring out at nothing. There are laws that came with sealing. Unspoken, but followed. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. There must be an action before an effect. Something can not be made from nothing.

Apparently, Tsunade and Jiraiya hated to be told they weren't allowed to do something.

They went against the very foundation that the gods had created. A mortal can not effect the time steam, dimensions, and existence. They cannot try to create something that doesn't exist in the realm, they cannot change things that have happened or haven't, and there cannot be one thing in one dimension, twice at the same time in two different places. Completely opposite Dimension will not and cannot effect each other. These are the laws that all sealer follow. They were not created by humans or demons, but by god. It wasn't so much as rules and punishment, as preventing the destruction of the very foundation of creation in whole.

Naruto bit his tongue and wondered how hard he should hit the pervert the next time they met.

The first time Jiraiya had told him them he had shrugged them off, only thinking them as religious beliefs and did not realize their full implications. It didn't have the effect it should have. It wasn't until further into his studies that he started to understand. He scowled slightly. He was maybe fourteen by then. A whole year for him to get it. He really was an idiot.

Sealing wasn't just something you did to store things, beat people up, and create super cool ninjutsus. There complexities were unlimited. That's when he started to get how dangerous they were. How much he was putting at risk just by messing up a symbol or accidentally forgetting one all together. When it finally hit him, he didn't pick a brush for three days, and didn't call any summons for two weeks. He wondered once why there were only a handful of sealers in the world. Why something so powerful was a dieing art. He understood now. He wasn't just putting himself in danger. He turned a corner slowly, dodging out of the way of two doctors.

Who would want to be the cause of the end? No, not the end of life -but of time, space, and existence itself.

Not him, hopefully.

None the less, sealing from one to eight, wasn't dangerous at all. Even the seal on his stomach wasn't as dangerous as the most complex of the arts. After all, a suicide Seal only takes the caster with it. However, what his master and Grandma did really scared the living shit out of him.

They literally took the rule book and threw it back at god. Hard.

They realized that, if a summon is summoned to where they are, isn't there a place it has to come from. And from there they got the brilliant idea to try to 'summon themselves backwards'. After a lot of trial and error, and apparently a few broken bones, they did something no one was suppose to do. He turned another corner before entering the elevator. He resisted biting the person next to him as seven more people stuffed themselves into the tiny box. He grunted as his face was smashed up against the wall by a rather fat woman.

They had created a backwards summon. They created a two way spiral between opposite dimensions. Something that should not exist.

Naruto growled and a nurse next to him jumped, quickly getting out of the elevator at her floor. Unintentionally, Grandma and the stupid pervert stumbled upon a loophole. The created a path to another opposite dimension. A stable, two way bridge kept together by the friction caused by the two dimensions rubbing against each other. Then just to ice the cake, they interacted with the people of the other dimension.

A different god damnable dimension. He licked his lips as he resisted the urge to crumble the details and throw them at the head of the person closest to the door. She wanted to send him through a 'backwards' summon. She literally wanted to send him to another plan of existence where he in no way should be. She wanted him to interact directly with the dimension, changing things that in no way he should. His very presence altering the laws that, not in any way, were supposed to be broken.

Naruto scowled as he pushed his way out of the elevator. He wouldn't be using one again. He turned the corner sharply, catching sight of pink in the window. he huffed as he waved, catching his teammates attention.

He spent three years under Jiraiya, one of the three leaf Sanins, learning many powerful jutsu's and everything he could about sealing. He wasn't as good as his master, but his skills were far above many other ninjas. He knew how dangerous this thing was. If there were any mistakes, he would be ripped apart and spread across two different worlds. He would die. And if they really messed up, he was certain he wouldn't be alone in death either.

He really, really, really, didn't want to be the cause of the fucking end.

They could rip the fabric of space. He didn't really understand the 'fabric' part, but the ripping didn't sound good at all. His eye twitched as he ran over the seals in his mind. He was, in only a few hours, going to piss on god and take him for a ride.

He groaned at the upcoming headache. Fan fucking-tastic. He didn't notice as Sakura stood in front of him.

"You're still a mess idiot!" Sakura looked at him up and down bringing him out of his musing, "Have you even gone home?" her hand were on her hips and she looked quit intimidating. Naruto laughed nervously as he scratched the back of his head.

"But Sakura-Chan! I gotta go on another mission so I don't have time!" He gave her a large grin, "I'm leaving tonight so I wanted to see you first!" His whine made Sakura roll her eyes. He was always complaining. She then blinked, her mind finally processing what he said.

"Wait! What did you say!" Her yell made Naruto jump. A nurse harshly hushed them, glaring at them over her desk. Sakura apologized quickly before turning back to glare up at him. "What do you mean you leaving?" He gave her another grin.

"I mean I'm leaving Sakura-Chan! Grandma gave me a mission." His happy face faltered for a moment, " I gotta go Sakura-Chan."

"But we just got back." Now she sounded just as whiny. "That not fair. Oh, Master when I get a hold of her! What the big idea sending you away! You just got back!" Both hands were in fists as her inner self roared with injustice. When Sakura got a hold of her she was gonna-

"SHUSH!" The nurse glared at them, the flames of hell behind her head. Sakura eepped.

"S- Sorry, Aimi-san." Nurse Aimi huffed as she went back to writing. Naruto laughed nervously at the little woman.

"But," Sakura whispered harshly, "That's not fair!" He sighed, looking down at himself. He saw the caked dirt and blood on his jacket. He knew he looked like crap, just like he felt. He was tired.

He didn't know much about what was going to happen. He didn't know if all of the law or foundations actually applied to a loophole. He just really, really hoped he didn't fuck up anything.

"I know Sakura-Chan." His grin broke off, becoming a more tired, wary smile, "I gotta go though..."

He really really hoped not.

Sakura stared at him incredulously, not believing his look. She couldn't believe that her master would do this. She still didn't believe it when Naruto turned and walked away, waving slightly to her as he turned a corner out of sight. She didn't want to believe the feeling in her chest that she wouldn't see her teammate in a long, long time.

She wanted to call out to him. Make him come back. She wanted to tell him to refuse the mission.

* * *

His neighbor's dog got him up.

"Fuck." He turned over under his sheets, burning his head under his pillow.

It wasn't completely dark out when Naruto woke up. He decided to take a nap after packing, knowing he would need the energy. The sun was barley below the horizon now, coloring the sky orange. Naruto's apartment was dark, the only light illuminating it was from the outside. Naruto turned slowly to look out the window and grinned up at the sky. What a great color to start his mission with.

He slowly sat up and look around his room. His closet was empty of everything except the clothes that didn't fit him. He had put everything he could into his bag. He had tried to put enough supplies in his bag for a year. Most of his stuff was in storage scrolls, making it easier. He scowled deeply, He didn't know what to bring. There was no way to know what he was stepping into, seeing how it was a different world. He scrunched his face up at just the thought.

Naruto looked around his room in irritation, running his hands through his hair. Tsunade had told him to do everything possible to blend in, and not to bring any attention to himself. But, how was he supposed to do this if he knew nothing about anything. The culture, the location, the social environment. For all he knew, they could speak another language! And the clothes, he looked down at himself. What the hell were they wearing anyway? He was going in blind and crippled for all he knew. He clicked his tongue in agitation.

Naruto grabbed his bag with a frustrated huff and pulled out his sealing equipment, before staring at the mission details one last time. He had read them over three times already, analyzing the seal order until he was sure he knew them. He couldn't mess up. Not on this one.

He took one last look around his room wistfully. This would be the last time in awhile he would see it. He even cleaned it up- throwing away his garbage, cleaning out his fridge, cleaned his kitchen. For the first time in months his apartment was clean. He would miss it. His face changed into a determined glare and he stared down at the ink. He brought his thumb up to his mouth, biting deeply into it, drawing blood. He then carefully dipped it into the ink, letting the blood mix into it. He sighed as he stuffed the mission report back into his bag.

Slowly, Naruto got off the bed and moved to the middle of his living room. He sat down carefully so he didn't drop anything. He pulled out his brush from his pocket and put it down next to him by the ink. He closed his eyes and crossed his legs, forming his hands into a Ram seal.

He breathed in deeply, letting his chakra flow steadily. He cleared his head of thought, only thinking about the design and order of the seal. Only about the design, order, and seal. He couldn't mess up. This was too important. He tried not to think about the possible effects of messing up. Don't mess up. He understood the order, he could do this. He wouldn't mess up. He took another large breath. Naruto slowly opened his eyes, staring across the room at his dresser. His eyes held there.

On the desk, there was a picture of team seven.

Sakura.

Kakashi.

Sasuke.

He undid the Ram seal, his face changed back into a determine glare and he picked the brush up. With no hesitation he dipped it into the ink, and with a determined stroke, began to write the seals around him into separate spiral. There were thirty eight small seals in all, forming into a single larger spiral. The farther into in sealing he started to notice that, of course, he was in the center of the large spiral.

It didn't take long for Naruto to worry about the differences between this art and the one he usually practiced with Jiraiya. The seals were slightly curved incorrectly, causing them all to tilt toward the center. The closer he got to the center, the more turned they were, until he was practically writing them upside down. Jiraiya had taught him to never write seals incorrectly.

"The Hell is this?" He knew what he was writing, he memorized the exact positions. But, he didn't understand them at all. He didn't really want to if he was honest.

As he drew the last seal in the thirty sixths small spiral, pain shot up his arm harshly. His pupils dilated, and he had to grab his arm to stop it from pulling back.

The sudden pain was intense. Naruto drew in a harsh gasp, biting his tongue to stop his yell. He remembered that Tsunade had told him about this. The seals were attacking their creator. Tsunade had told him specifically that they would try to make him stop. He bit his tongue to keep from yelling. Holy Hell, this hurt. He remembered being told about this, but still! He would have never thought it would be this intense. He groaned out as blister sprung out across his arm he was writing with. His jacket burned around his arm and blood slowly leaked from his blisters. It was like he was being cooked.

Naruto pulled back his arm with a hiss. The sound and smell of sizzling flesh filled the room as he bit back a long list of profanities. He grabbed hold of his brush with the other hand, thanking Jiyara silently in his head for teaching how to seal with both hands.

The seal flashed blue underneath him and shuddered, shifting and twisting like it was alive. The more seals, Naruto noticed, the more alive it seemed. He shivered from the pain and sweat drenched his face. God, what was he doing?

The seal was twisting, bending and morphing like nothing he had ever seen before. Color mixed underneath him and the ink and blood became an impossible swirl of blue and yellow. He noticed, with extreme relief that he was almost done. Just a few more, just a few. He pushed forward, his hand turning black.

It was then that he finally noticed the another sound. It was eerie, pulling at Naruto and reminding his softly that what he was doing was highly disapproved. A cold chill travel down his spine as his eyes darted around the room quickly.

He heard screaming. Hundreds of them, around him, echoing throughout his head. Telling him to stop. Yelling at him. Cursing at him, grabbing at him. Males, females. They wanted him, they knew what he was doing, they wanted him to stop. Now.

He shut his eyes tight as he felt them right behind him, in front of him. Above him. He wouldn't stop. He bit his lip as he continued to write, not daring to open his eyes.

He could look a demon in the eyes without fear or hesitation. But he knew without a doubt that whatever was around him, in every way, was nothing he wanted to see.

He brushed another, two more to go. His face was covered in sweat as the arm he was using was almost completely black. He wasn't going to give up. He was a Ninja Damn it! He pressed the brush down hard. A long, twisted hiss echoed through his head and broke through his apartment.

He took the final stroke. Pain rushed through to his head, clashing and banging his skull ruthlessly.

And then he felt himself being ripped.

* * *

Ok, so Not so much a Crossover yet, but I'm getting there? Eh, Why is that a question?

Anyway you review, I will update.

Oh, and if you do review, can you give me some help, I suck at spelling and grammar. Please!


	2. Oh, hell no!

Oh my, I didn't notice the little things that were wrong until after I published this. Well, I went back and kinda rewrote my last chapter, so I hope I don't have to do that with this one.

Summary: Kaoru's Father is killed during the revolution, leaving three year old Kaoru alone far too soon. However an old friend of her father sends someone to take care of her for awhile out of respect. Becoming attached to her, The Ninja decides to stay. How much would Rurouni Kenshin change if Kaoru had an overprotective brother through all of it? Especially, If he is none other than Uzumaki Naruto?

So far, I've got two votes for Kaoru, two for Megumi and Misao... and a random vote for... Tae? Was she even one of the choices? Oh well, guess I'll add her.

It will be hard to write a Naruto/Kaoru romance, but if you want it, I got it. Same with Megumi and Misao and  
Tae. HOWEVER! I will not write a harem. NO way, uh-uh, see you in hell buddy pal.

Anyway, gotta say something. Over two hundred people read the story. Only ten reviewed. Are you guys not reviewing because you just don't want to, or because you find my story not worth reviewing over? Personally I would rather be flamed, then to not get any at all. At least tell me if it's not worth reading!

So, after that depressing note, on with the story.

* * *

Chapter Two, Oro?

By Evilpinklolli

When you least expect it, reality will punch you in the face.

Naruto kicked the rock. He didn't hate the rock for the rock was innocent. However, it was in front of him, and Naruto kicked it.

He was underneath a bridge. That was where he woke up, disoriented, with his arms still healing from the burn marks. It was already dusk when he first got up, but now the stars were in full view. He could still hear people walking across the bridge above him. He sat with his back to the wall, where the curve and the grass met. The long grass shielded him from everyone walking by and the mist of the night air kept any sent trails from leading to him. The sleeves of his jacket were badly burned and from the smell, Naruto could tell the Kyuubi was working hard to heal the charred flesh and damaged nerves. He sighed and then cringed as he accidentally flexed his right arm.

"Ow." Naruto bit his lip, cursing his sensei, who, by all means, was at fault. How the hell did he think opposite dimensional travel would be a super fun idea. Naruto rolled his eyes. From what he could tell from just sitting here, he was in a village. He could have landed in the equivalent of a hidden village in this world. He made a face, he wouldn't be able to protect himself most of his jutsu's were signed based. No hands, no jutsu. He could barely move his left arm, which took less of the attack than the other. He needed to grab his bag, which was lying dangerously close to the river bank. And with his luck, the bright orange bag would be his downfall, giving away his location. That was not good. He didn't know the locals or their skills.

With a grunt Naruto knew he would have to get the stupid bag. Pain or not.

"Just when I need a joint mission," He hissed out as he started to crawl toward the river, balancing his weight on his left arm as he crawled on his hands and knees, using the grass as cover. He squeezed his eyes shut, cursing loudly. "You assign me an impossible mission, with no backup, no escape plan, and almost no Intel." His stopped and almost cried when his palm scrapped over a particularly rock, irritating the already red and blistered skin. "Fuck!" Yanking his exhausted body forward he grabbed his bag, the material felt like needles on his skin. What was taking the Kyuubi so damn long!

"Damn fox." He crawled back to his spot as sweat trickled down his face. "Just what I need." He glared at the river, a pained grin spreading through his face. Not only was it an impossibly hard mission, but it was a fucking babysitting mission for fucks sakes!

It was quite now. No more people walked across the bridge and he couldn't sense anyone nearby. He looked down at his bag as he stopped grinning.

"When I get back grandma," Images of his village, Sakura, the ramen stand, and Tsunade fill his head. "I'm beating the crap out of you."

He could just see Sasuke insanely grinning at him for his luck. Sharigan activated. Bastard.

"Can't believe I actually said yes to this crap." He could feel his eyes getting heavy as he mumbled out another curse. As his vision got darker and hazy, the last thought he had was he didn't know he was this exhausted.

* * *

Blue eyes blinked quickly as small hands pulled at the futon. The only sound in the dimly lit room were the morning birds outside the window. The little girl slowly turned to look at her door, her feet kicking at her blanket to untangle herself. She was waiting patiently for her father to walk in and pick her up. They were going to watch her papa's students in the dojo today. Her papa would always know when she woke up and would come and pick her up. She didn't look away from the door.

He would pick her up.

He would.

Any second now.

She scrunched her face up and pouted. Papa was late, but. But. She yanked at her blanket in agitations now. She would wait.

"'Cause papa always picks me up." Koaru said to the room firmly.

* * *

"Hey?"

Naruto buried his head deeper into his pillow, willing himself to ignore his neighbor. He just got back from his mission and he was exhausted. He resisted the urge to huff, knowing it might make him fully wake up. Take his annoying old geezer of a neighbor to wake him up just as he was falling asleep. Naruto made a note to change the locks to his apartment door later that day. If a cranky old man could get in, any ninja could.

"Hey, sir? You don't look so good." Naruto rolled his eyes under his eyelids. Of course not, he just came back from the Field. Stupid old man, go away!

"Hey!" Naruto cringed into his pillow at the man's shout. " I think this guys really hurt, you guys! Go get the doctor!" Doctor? Naruto grabbed the sides of his rather lumpy pillow and smashed it harder into his face. Why would he need a doctor? And when did the old man start caring about his condition?

"Don't worry, sir. You'll be okay..." He frowned into his pillow when he felt the old man pat him on the head awkwardly. Sir? Why was he calling him sir? And when did the old man start talking like a little kid...

Naruto's eyes snapped open and he was up before body could adjust.

"Gah!" Naruto was temporarly blinded by the sun as he looked up at his 'neighbor'.

"Gah!" The young boy echoed him at he fell back in shock. The man he thought was at death door suddenly moved and was staring right at him. "What the hell?"

"Eeh? Who the hell are you?" Naruto pointed at him. "What the hell are you doing in my apartment!" The boy stared at him as if he was insane.

"Apartment, what the hell?" The boy roared. Quickly getting to his feet, he mimicked Naruto's point, glaring down at him. "What the hell are you doing underneath a bridge, you dumbass?"

"Dumbass?" Naruto roared as flames burned in his eyes. "Who the hell are you calling a -" Naruto stopped, as he finally looked at the boy.

He blinked.

"Who the hell would sleep under a bridge anyway?" The boy snarled. "You could have given me a heart attack you know!" Naruto stared blankly at him and the boy glared.

It fell silent as Naruto just sat there, staring blankly at the boy. The boy growled as Naruto turned from side to side, looking around him.

"Hey! You could at least answer or something!" He tapped his foot in agitation and crossed his arms. "Hey, are you listening!"

Naruto looked underneath him at his bag that he had mistaken for his pillow. It was bright out, and from how short the grass was around him. The boy wasn't the only one who had found him. There were at least six trails heading from the road to where he was through the grass. He turned to look at his stuff against the wall. It was all there, and even a few extra things as well. It seemed that the boy thought we was in distress and gave him a few things to help him.

"Hey kid." Naruto turned away from the boy, standing up.

"Huh?" The boy uncrossed his arms and blinked at the man's sudden statement.

"Are you the one who brought me that?" Naruto stared at the small dish of food and water that were next to some bandages. The boy huffed, crossing his arms behind his head.

" Me and my friends brought it because we thought that maybe you were a samurai or something." He scowled. "But then we saw your hair! Your nothing but a lost foreigner, aren't you!" The boy almost sneered at him, sticking his tongue out. Naruto glared back.

"Look here brat! I'll punch you into next week!" Naruto bared his teeth at the boy and got the reaction he wanted. He took a step back. "You're right about me being lost though..." Naruto trailed off as the boy huffed again. After a few second the boy puffed out his chest and stared Naruto down. Or stared him up, seeing how Naruto was taller.

"What your name anyway?" The boy didn't stop glaring at him. Naruto turned and walked up to the food. He picked it up and gave it an experimental sniff. It didn't smell that bad.

"Hey!" The boy stomped over to where Naruto was, reaching for the bowl. Naruto held it over his head. "Don't eat that!"

"Stop being so crabby. You said you brought it for me to eat, right?" Naruto looked up at his arm taking note of the still slightly red sores trailing down it. Well, at least his hands were healed.

"Well, yeah! But-" The boy stammered.

"Well!" Naruto sing-songed. "Than let me eat it before you try to claw my arms to death." The boy gaped at him, before huffing. He let go of Naruto's jacket that he was tugging on and stepped away. It went quite again as Naruto sat down and eat.

Naruto quickly assessed the situation as the boy crossed his arms and sat away from him. He quickly went over his list in his mind. It was most likely mid-day from where the sun was. He had been found by the 'natives', and he almost forgot that he was on a mission. Peachy, just peachy. Take him to almost screw up a mission only forty eight hours in. He took another spoonful of the soup, before placing it down on the ground.

"Thanks for the food kid." Naruto grabbed his bag and turned to look at the boy. He was still glaring at him. "What your name anyway?" The boy scrunched his face up.

"I asked you first." Naurot mimiced his expression. Brat.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto slung his bag over his shoulder and grunted. His shoulders hurt too. "I gotta go." The boy nodded.

"I'm Koji." Naruto turned to leave, grabbing the last of his stuff.

"Well, Koji, I'll see you around." He snorted. "Hopefully not." He walked carefully up the hillside, making sure to keep his balance. What little sleep he had didn't compensate for the chakra exhaustion he was feeling. Naruto grunted again as his right arm pulsed.

"Where are you going?" Naruto blinked.

Where was he going? Naruto looked at the scene in front of him as he made it to the top of the hill. A dirt road and endless rows of houses and shops stood condensed and alive. Different smells attacked his sensitive nose, telling him that there were shops, restaurants, and other odd businesses scattered throughout the homes. People walked in all direction. In and out of shops and doorways, across and down the street, and pushing and passing eachother quickly. Naruto blinked at the energy of the town.

"Uh.." Naruto stared in mild shock. "Hey kid." Koji blinked and jogged up the hill. He stopped at his side and stared at him.

"Yea, what do you want?" Naruto didn't take his eyes off the town. Maybe it was the culture shock that caused him to start seeing things.

"Do you," Naruto gulped as his mouth went dry. He finally looked down at Koji. He must of had a weird look on his face because Koji took a step back.

"W-what?" Naruto gulped again, trying to gather his sentence. It had to be culture shock.

"Do you know the way to the Kamiya family dojo?"

It just had to be the culture shock that made him this way. Because there was no way that what he was seeing was real. Naruto didn't really acknowledged as Koji nodded his head and point toward the left. Or when he grabbed the tattered ends of his jacket sleeve and started to drag him across the streets towards the direction he pointed.

Because all he could think about was one thing. It was the only thing as the people of the town glanced at him. His hands clenched into fist as he bit into his lip. The boy in front of him didn't notice as Naruto tensed behind him, as he glanced around him frantically. He almost abandoned the boy and took to the roofs a he spotting it again, and again, and again!

His left eye twitched non-stop.

He was going to kill Grandma when he got back. He was going to beat the crap out of her, throw her into the garbage, and kill her!

Because she had thrown him into a dimension with samurai. Real, full fledged, Chakra using, skilled, legendary, elite, fucking samurai!

They didn't exist in the elemental countries. Not because ninjas killed them. Not because they died out. Naruto hands shook as he felt his legs turn to jelly. But because they didn't let ninja's exist anywhere else. They had given them the elemental countries. They had allowed them to exist. Samurai ruled over others, only under there masters.

Naruto felt like hyperventilating. He spotted more. There was one sitting in a inn drinking tea.

Ninjas were taught the silent killing. To kill a target without being caught. Samurai were taught under strict codes. To kill masses without fail. They didn't need stealth, for nothing would stop their blade from reaching their target.

Samurai always beat Ninja. Always.

And here he was, Uzumaki Naruto, ninja of the fire country, in a world full of fucking samurai.

Fuck.

* * *

I KNOW! I KNOW! You've waited soo long for the next chapter, and you give us one this short? Blasphemy!

Don't worry though. I've decided to continue this little experiment.

Hehehehehe. Well, now you know. Naruto will not have it easy in this fanfiction.

Anyway, I'm basing the samurai and ninja grade, on how it was in reality. Samurai were know to outrank and out play ninjas. In the past Samurai were near royalty, where Ninja were the dirt. I'm not going to follow the history books completely, but I'm rolling with it.

Evilpinklolli: "So apparently, Samurai in Naruto's world are the pinnacle of power and respect. Lets see if they hold up to his expectations in this reality. Poor Naruto! It looked like he was about to wet himself at the end of that."

Kenshin: "Oro... that was very nice of you, that it was not."

Evilpinklolli: "Blah! Lets just hope they live up to Naruto's expectations. Samurai always beats ninja, or apparently in his world it does."

Kaoru: "Huh, are you saying Nauto-nee might be able to win?"

Evilpinklolli: "Well, I guess you're just going to have to read the next chapter to figure it out, huh!"

Kenshin: "ORO! Are you saying that Naruto will participate in the war?"

Kaoru: "Naruto-nee will fight with kenshin for the government?"

"Evilpinklolli: "JUST SHUT UP AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER DAMNIT!"

Kenshin and Kaoru: "Y-yes ma'am!"

Review and don't pay any attention to the mindless babbling of the author, please.

Thank you.

Evilpinklolli


	3. I forgot?

Oh my, I didn't notice the time gap between the chapters until I started writing this one. Oh dear, oh my, what ever will I do! Well, guess I'll try harder to write quicker before people start abandoning this fan fiction huh? Anyways!  
Summary: Kaoru's father is killed during the revolution, leaving three year old Kaoru alone far too soon. However an old friend of her father sends someone to take care of her for awhile out of respect. Becoming attached to her, the ninja decides to stay. How much would Rurouni Kenshin change if Kaoru had an overprotective brother though all of it? Especially, if he is none other than Uzumaki Naruto?

OK, I have some bad news. Tea is not a choice anymore. Sorry. It's not like I have anything against the girl, she's a cute character. However, I just can't see Naruto as a pedophile. When he meets her he's gonna be twenty nine. Twenty eight in a half, but that's not the point! That's almost twenty nine! She's twelve for pedo-sake! So I'm sorry, but I've got limits - Naruto finding comfort in a child is one of em.

So sorry to anyone who wanted that. Please don't stop reading! I'm getting really annoying with these depressing notes aren't I? Anyway, on with the story.

* * *

Chapter Three, Oh Shit!

By Evilpinklolli

Whatever you're thinking, stop it. Stop it right now.

The soft taping of the pencil was getting annoying. That, and how she had been sitting there for over an hour waiting. Sakura stared down the secretary's pencil from her chair as she continued to tap. Whether Tama was aware of it or not, she was slowly rising on Sakura's 'will kill in the future when no one is looking' list. She chewed on her lip harder as her eyes snapped to look at the hokage's office doors, willing them to open.

She had been sitting here for over an hour damn it! Hurry up! Sakura scrunched her face up in a scowl. Her master was going to get it.

"Ah. The art of patience." Sakura jumped. "As a master, I never did teach that well."

Sakura look to the left to the chair next to her. There, sitting quit comfortably with a lazy look was Kakashi. His one visible eye curved upwards into a smile and he waved nonchalantly. He was missing his book. She blinked a few times as she realized she never saw him come into the office. Then, her face darkened.

"Sensei!" She barked, glaring dangerously at him. "Where's Naruto?" Sakura resisted the urge to ring his neck when he shrugged.

"Ah, who knows." Her eye twitched dangerously and Kakashi sweated a little. It looked like his student was going to hit something, and hopefully it wouldn't be him. He didn't need a reminder of her freakishly hellish strength.

"Ma, ma, calm down. I'm sure the Hokage knows something." He waved his hand at her. This time Sakura growled.

"Of course she knows something!" Sakura all but jumped out of her chair, it skidding backwards. Her hands balled into fists as fire burned in her eyes. Had Gai been present, a dance to praise youthfulness would have been mandatory. Sakura grounded her teeth as Tama eeped at her desk from the sudden commotion.

"She's the one who sent him on this stupid mission! We just got back!" Sakura roared with her inner self as Kakashi laughed nervously.

" How could she just send him away like that! He was in no condition to leave, he should of gotten the mandatory five day recovery time between missions! What's the big idea!"

"Sakura I don't think-"

"We literally just got back from the Suna mission, and he's gone! After everything that just happened Master just sends him right back out again!"

"Maybe you should understand the-"

"He's just human you know! His body can only handle so much before it breaks down! Master should know this by now! But she just sends him off like some super machine?"

"Sakura-"

"I mean, come on! We were fighting the Akatsuki! Gaara died! How could she just-!"

"Hey-"

"- send him off! Master is heartless! Heartless I tell you! I mean after everything that just happened she just-"

"SHUT UP!"

The yell from behind her all but rattled the windows, and Sakura jumped at least a foot. She froze as Tama and Kakashi sweated bullets, the sense of danger in the room increasing as Sakura turned slowly. Her eyes locked with a extremely annoyed Sannin, Master, and Hokage. Tsunade's right eyes twitched as she closed her office door behind her.

"You got something to say?" Sakura's face turned white and she gulped.

* * *

When Naruto finally came to his senses he was still being dragged by the kid named Koji, who was talking nonstop. They had been walking for some time, passing street corner after street corner. Only now was he started to notice the natives interest in his clothes. Naruto looked down at his black and orange jumpsuit, before scanning the condense crowed that was all but parting for the two of them. He recognized some of the glances from his childhood. The look of resentment here or there, fear once in a while.

Naruto groaned as he came to the conclusion that he was going to have to get rid of his favorite jacket. At least until people started getting used to him. Apparently, from the boy's remark about foreigners and how the towns people were acting, he was sticking out like a sore. He rolled his eyes. Looks like blending in with the locals was a complete failure. Everyone was wearing traditional clothes. Well, except the samurai of course.

He shivered. Great, just great. He felt a sudden tug on his jacket sleeve and he looked down. The kid had stopped moving and was staring up at him.

"What?" Naruto all but growled. He wasn't in a good mood anymore, that's for sure. Stupid grandma. Stupid missions. Stupid fucking samurai! Koji looked incredulously up at him.

" I said, what do you want with the Kamiya family anyway?" Koji scowled, " Were you even listening to me, huh?" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Why you wanna know," Naruto and Koji locked glares, static visible between them. It was Naruto who backed down first. He quickly blamed it on the chakra exhaustion. They were in the middle of a crowed street. If he wasn't already compromised in stealth, fighting loudly with a kid here would finalize that.

"Look, I got business with their family," Naruto scratched the back of his head, " I ain't gonna cause trouble or anything, just show me the way. Ok?" He sighed when the kid didn't back down. Great, just great.

"Why should I trust you?" The boy all but sneered, " You're a foreigner. Besides!" The boy crossed his arms and glared at him harder. "You could be one of the assassins my brother told us about!" Naruto had to resist the urge to twitch when the boy hit the mark. He knew the boy was just guessing, but to be discovered by a paranoid kid was kind of creepy. It wasn't like this was a assassination mission anyways, just a stupid baby sitting thing.

"Do you believe everything your brother says brat?" they both scowled at each other for different reasons. Ok, this was getting old.

"Fine!" Naruto threw up his arms, catching the complete attention of a few passerby. "I'll find another way there." He turned, stalking away with a huff, muttering about stupid brats under his breath.

"Hey! Where are you going?" The boy ran behind him as he took large strides. Naruto turned down a random street, scowling as the crowd continued to part for him. Blend in damn it!

"Away from you." Koji glared at the back of his head. " I got things to do, you know. You're not helping." Now which way to the closes sucker. He needed to swipe some money for some new clothes. One women, in the heist to get away from him, all but fell into a fruit stand. It was getting ridiculous now. He didn't think he looked like an alien. Well, once he thought about it, he in a way, _was_ an alien.

"Yeah, well!" Koji scrunched his face up, he didn't know what to think about this guy. He was loud, mean, and really weird. There was no doubt that he was a foreigner, He had almost gold hair for kami's sake! Gold! And lets not even talk about his face! But... Koji thought hard.

But. His mother had all but beat it into his head to help those who need it. Even when you don't think they deserve it. He imagined the wrath he would most likely face if his mom found out he had just left this guy to fend for himself, lost in a country that wasn't his. An image of his mother with what looked like death itself behind her made him shiver. Fine, he glared at the back of Naruto's head.

"You're going the wrong way." Koji sighed in defeat as Naruto stopped and turned to look at him. He pointed down the road behind his back. " I'll take you there." Naruto grinned. The brat wasn't that bad.

* * *

"But, but," She was in shock. There was no way. No way! It couldn't be true. "That's impossible!" Tsunade sighed at the disbelieving looks directed at her. Bringing her hands up she rubbed her temples slowly, she wished Shizune would hurry up with more sake.

"I have to agree with Sakura, Hokage-sama," Kakashi spoke with a guarded tone, his eyes sharp and alert, "Naruto has only been gone for twenty four hours. It is impossible that he is no longer in the Elemental Countries. It takes almost three weeks to reach the boarders from the village." Sakura nodded quickly beside him.

Tsunade resisted the urge to just burn down the Hokage office. Piles of paperwork lay around her, stacks as tall as her on the ground next to, in front of, and even piled on bookcases. And now she had to deal with her apprentice? Dear god. She wasn't going to tell them anything about Naruto. Not like they would understand most of it anyways. When it came to that level of sealing, she could only stare half-comatose as Jiyara rambled off the micro-technical workings of it.

"Look!" Tsunade barked, "Whether you believe it or not, that's the truth! Now leave me alone can't you see I'm busy!" Damn it, why did she say yes to taking on the responsibility of an entire village? She could be in Tear village, drinking half priced Sake and gambling to her hearts content.

"Master!" Sakura glared at her, "You can't just expect us to not care, Naruto is our-!"

"I said leave!" Tsunade slammed her fist on the desk making it creak under the pressure. Both of them went quite as Sakura stared in shock at her. She looked at the door, before turning back at her.

"Does Jiraiya know?" Tsunade slowly looked up at her, their eyes locking. Neither backed down.

"I said leave." Her voice was cold as she stared down her apprentice. Kakashi looked between them as they held equally.

"Does. Jiraiya. Know." Kakashi came to a conclusion. Sakura was scary. Just as scary as her master. Both of their eyes showed that neither would back down. That is, until Tsunade blinked and turned towards the window.

The room went silent as the pen Tsunade had been scribbling away with stilled.

Kakashi and Sakura also blinked at the sudden turn of emotions. Tsunade stared outside blankly, nothing showing. To go from red faced, evil Hokage to an almost peaceful meditation would be impossible even for the most experienced of monks. From the looks of it she wasn't even breathing.

Then, her eyes snapped opened and she jumped out her chair, making them both jump.

"Fuck! How could I forget Jiraiya?"

Tsunade almost tore out of the office, the hinges of the office doors barley hanging on. Kakashi and Sakura stood their in shock, neither moving as they looked at where the Hokage just was.

"What the hell," Sakura's eyes twitched at a dangerous level, "is going on here?"

* * *

Naruto looked at the roof that could be seen over the gate. He had seen a couple dojo's around Konaha before and this one didn't look that much different. Looking down he caught sight of the family plate, marked clearly under the Kamiya name. So the kid actually got him here huh? It had taken almost twenty minutes of walking and him freaking out once in a while when they got too close to some swordsmen, but other than that they had made it here without a hitch. He sighed as he thought of what was to come. The crying, the whining, the god damn diapers! He shivered violently and held the strap of his bag tighter. Fuck! This sucked!

"Well! Told ya I'd get you here." The boy grinned next to him, his arms behind his head. "Who's a brat now, huh?" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"You've got a long way to go, brat." Koji glared at him ready to claw his eyes out.

"But I gotta say, couldn't have done it without you. Thanks." He blinked up at him before grinning.

"No problem, foreigner!" This time Naurto glared at him as his hands twitched dangerously. He would blend in, damn it he would! Before he could get his retort out though, the front gate opened slowly. Naruto blinked as a short old man walked out, a frown settled deep into his face. He almost walked straight into Koji before he noticed them. His head snapped up in shock.

"Eh?" He looked between them, "Who are you?" Gensai was known as a kind man, usually fair and reserved, a doctor, but too much had happened in so little time that even he was slightly apprehensive. Naruto shifted under his stare. He didn't enjoy being analyzed. However, Naruto blinked a couple times when he remembered something from the mission report.

"Eh?" Naruto blinked, finally pointing to the old man, "Oguni Gensai, as in Kamiya Hijo's old friend?" The man didn't move from his spot in front of the door, but it was obvious that he was defensive. His stare became harsher and Koji became nervous at the tension between them. Naruto scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. For a old man, he would give him some points. He was scary.

"Yes?"

"Well, um, It's good to see you old man," Naruto bowed slightly, remembering the old educate classes the pervert made him take. " I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I'm here on orders from Kamiya Hijo to take care of his daughter." Gensai's eyes widened at his words. Naruto blinked at his face. Didn't he know? "Ah, I was given orders that if anything were to happen to the guy that he would entrust her to Tsunade." Gensai clearly didn't believe him.

"You don't look like a girl," He trailed off as he heard her name. Naruto's left eye twitched.

"Eh, no. I'm not." He scratched the back of his head. " Tsunade is my," What was he supposed to say? He was pretty sure they didn't know what a Hokage was. "My teacher. I'm here instead because she wasn't able to come." Gensai continued to stare. What? Was there something on his face.

"But," Gensai's face scrunched up, " you're a foreigner. How?" Really? Really? Was he really that bad at blending in? Naruto's left eye twitched even harder as he resisted the urge to go to the city and steal some clothes right then.

"Apparently Grandma and him were old friends," He ignored the man's last comment and sombered at the thought of what she called him. "She said he was like a brother." Gensai stared at him. He didn't look like he was lying but after what happened. Gensai didn't really know who to trust anymore.

"He's not lying." Gensai turned to stare at Koji. He stared back, determination clear on his face. " He's might be a foreigner, but he sucks at lying." Naruto scowled and crossed his arms. "Been with him the entire day. He's a weird guy, but he's not bad."

Gensai looked between them one more time before sighing. He turned towards the doorway. Naruto blinked when he opened the gate, before tuning back to them.

"From the look of it, you've come a long way." A hesitant smile came to Gensai as Naruto nodded his head dumbly. "I'll make you some lunch as you tell me the whole story." A large grin spread over Naruto's face and Gensai knew. You couldn't fake that.

Koji smiled before turning away. His good deed was done for the day. "Well, bye foreigner. My mom wants me back for lunch." With a wave, he didn't wait for a response as he ran off. Hopefully he would make it back before his mom gave the left overs to his brother.

"See ya kid!" Naruto yelled over his shoulder as he followed the old man into the dojo. Well, at least he made it right? The hesitant look from the old man in front of him made him uneasy though. He knew he wasn't doing a good job at blending in. Alright, he really sucked at blending in. But was it really all him? He remembered the tension back in town, how everyone was hurried, the looks of resentment and fear. The guarded groups and how no one was walking alone. Was it really because of him? Somehow he didn't think so. It looked like the entire town was afraid of something. Like they were fighting something.

Neither of them spoke as they walked into one of the rooms where they sat at a table. It was a modest place, nothing too fancy. Naruto came to the conclusion that this place was nothing like the dojo's back home. It was honest, simply homey.

"Are you hurt?" The old man's question caught Naruto by surprise.

"Huh?" Gensai pointed at his bloody and battered jacket."Oh, not really, most of it has healed already." Which was true. There were already less sores from when he entered the village...city... Where ever the hell he was.

"I might be old, but I am a doctor," He got up, "Are you sure, I can get you some bandages for your arms?" Naruto blinked. So the man had noticed the still remaining blisters from the sealing. He looked down at his arms again, there were a lot better but he had to admit there were still spots that needed improvement.

"I guess I might need some. Thanks old man." He ginned up at him as the man nodded.

"I'll make some tea as you bandage that up." He opened the sliding door to the room and stepped out. "We'll talk after that I suppose."

"Hm." Naruto nodded in agreement. Gensai looked him over once more, his eyes settling on the tattered jacket.  
"I'll go find you some clothes too. I might be able to find you some that fit in this old place." He stared at him in shock. " ... A simple gi maybe?"

"Uh, You don't have to do-" He was cut off by the door sliding shut behind the man. Naruto scowled. He didn't like being treated like a child. With a huff, he pulled off his bag. Opening it, he grabbed the mission report and scanned through it as he waited for the sound of the man walking back. Oguni Gensai, Oguni Gensai, where the hell was that name. As he turned to the third page he found it.

Ah ha! Oguni Gensai! Age fifty six, doctor, friend of the Kamiya family. Limited information. Naruto sighed, so he wasn't completely useless. At least he could remember the small stuff when he really needed to. He ran his fingers through his hair and clicked his tongue. There was no doubt that the man was weary of him, but he had to trust him a little, seeing how he left him alone.

Naruto turned towards the door. But, why the weariness in the first place? He went back to the town. Hell, everyone was paranoid here! He scowled. Did he really look that out of place? Did he seem that bad of a character that women and children, and even grown men tripped over themselves trying to get out of his way? Maybe he had characteristics of someone of their enemy state?

Maybe he should take the man up on his offer for the clothes. Wouldn't hurt if he already looked like some evil guy apparently.

He came out of his musing when he heard the slow steps approaching. Quickly stuffing the scroll back into the bag he sat up straighter as Gensai opened the door. In one hand he held a roll of bandages, the other neatly folded clothes. Naruto grinned up at him from where he sat.

"Here you go!" the man handed them over as quickly as his old body could do. "Now as you change, I'll start the tea. Don't wonder around though, you might get lost." The man joked as Naruto nodded his head enthusiastically. Free clothes that he didn't have to steal from some poor guy brought his day up some.

"Thanks old man." Gensai nodded his head before stepping out again, giving Naruto his privacy. Naruto looked down at the bandages and clothes. Unzipping his jacket and taking off his shirt he sighed. Well, hopefully this will help him blend in. Naruto's face scrunched up into a frown. Damn it, He was going to miss the orange though. Taking off the rest of his clothes, he quickly he put on the hemaka and pants, shifting them around until they were comfortable. It was pretty loose, but it fit pretty well. It may not have been orange, but he was going to admit, it wasn't that bad. Both the top and bottom were black, the lining a light gray. Had he not known better he would think he was a mourning rurouni passing by.

"Not too bad," Naruto whistled, patted the front, "Makes me a little depressed though." He pulled on the sleeves that were a little to long. Now all he needed to finish the picture was add a little orange here and there and-

The only real warning he got was the fast footsteps before the door flew open and slammed against the wall. Naruto turned quickly but was caught off guard by something blue jamming into his stomach, slamming the air out of him painfully. The pain made him loose his footing, making him fall to the ground harshly as his head slammed into the side of the table.

"Fuck!" His arms instinctively flew forward intent of getting whatever had hit him off. His eyes snapped to the end of his arms as he held the attacker roughly.

"What the fuck is the big ide-!"

Light blue met dark blue as rage reached tears. Naruto couldn't stop the sound of shock that escaped his mouth as tiny hands grabbed his arms.

Naruot would most likely blame it on the blind shock of the moment as he stared at the toddler. Tears were streaming down her face, her cheeks and nose red from the blood rush. Her hair was out of place and clearly wasn't taken care of. Their was a large, nasty bruise on the side of her face the shouldn't have been there. But the only things Naruto noticed was that she was shaking. Dear god she was shaking, and her eyes. Pain, fear, shock. And she was shaking! It was most likely the shock of the moment that made him do it. But, the moment her lips trembled out of pain he had engulfed her. He really wasn't good at girls crying.

Her head fit snuggly under his chin, her body tight to him. He wrapped his arms completely around her and unconsciously began to rock back and forth. He held her close has she shook and cried silently. It unnerved him, a toddler crying without sound. He would later blame it on the adrenaline rush and shock. But for that moment he saw himself as a child, afraid and in pain. For a moment as he held her tightly he felt protective. And even now, he would most likely deny tearing up with her.

After all, he was a ninja damn it!

* * *

Since Naruto had left, no one had entered his apartment. The key still sat on the table next to the refrigerator where he left it. The kitchen was clean just like he left it. There wasn't any clothes in the closet, like he left it. It looked cleaned. That is, until you turned the corner around his living room and into his bedroom.

The bed lay on the other side of the room, thrown against the windows which had cracked. The bookshelf scattered in pieces of wood around the floor. Feathers were everywhere from the pillows that had been shredded. The books that had once been alphabetized neatly on shelves were ripped and torn, pages of different chapters and novels scattered. Ink and blood sprayed the walls and ceiling and a paintbrush that was now snapped flung across the room. The only thing left on that side of the room was the desk that was once next to a bed.

The desk stood untouched, neither feathers, wood, or ink on it. Sitting on it was the only other thing that wasn't moved. The picture frame stood almost proudly. The photo of a time before hardship sitting protected inside it. It would have been perfect.

Except inside the photo, that showed the bright faces of the newly made genins, a team that had achieved success, there was something incorrect. One grinning behind a mask. Another smiling almost shyness. The last glaring off at nothing. A hand on both of their heads. Had a person not known they would have thought it perfect.

There was one problem though. Something, that when Sakura finally opened the apartment and walked into the room a day later, changed something. Something that was far worse than the state of his room. Something that, when Sakura picked up the picture frame made her run to her master. It was something, that in the end made it very, very wrong.

Naruto was no longer in it.

Naruto had never been in it.

Had Sakura stayed a little longer, maybe she would have heard the thousands of screams coming from the ink.

Maybe.

* * *

Evilpinklolli: "Oh, Oh my! Dear god! I did this in FOUR HOURS! I didn't stand up, I didn't stop once? What the hell? Something must be wrong with me. This can't be a good chapter, because it takes me at least two days to do one. Am I sick? Do I have a fever?"  
Kenshin: "Ano, Evilpinklolli-Dono maybe you should calm down. That can't be good for your health, that it can not."  
Evilpinklolli: "You don't understand! I did this in FOUR hours! That's impossible! That's crazy! Am I ... Possessed by some kind of writing spirit?"  
Kaoru: "Your an idiot. That is what's wrong with you."  
Evilpinklolli: "Don't make me do something horrible to you as a child. Oh wait, I am!"  
Kenshin: "What? You should not hurt Kaoru-dono that you shouldn't!"  
Evilpinklolli: " Oh shut up. You don't even know each other yet! And what if I do? It's for character bonding and development."  
Kenshin: "Is that how you live with yourself when you harm a small child?"  
Evilpinklolli: "Yep! Anyway! If you readers want to find out what happens to poor old Naruto next chapter, you have to review! Don't you want to know how Kaoru got that huge bruise on the side of her cheek? Or who killed her father?"  
Kenshin: "I think you are scaring away most of your readers, that you are."  
Evilpinklolli: "SHUT UP DAMN IT!"  
Kaoru: "Gah!"  
Review and don't pay any attention to the mindless babbling of the author, please.  
Thank you.  
Evilpinklolli


	4. oh oh what a crappy day!

...How do I start this without sounding like a complete asshole? Well, I decided to try to write again only for the reason that I couldn't stop myself any longer. I literally stared at the keyboard of my computer for half a week, twitching madly. So I reopened my old account and said, "Holy SHIT! It's been a year already!" Yeah, so... Don't kill me? pretty please, with suger on top?

(ducks under a chainsaw)

Alright baby! It's time for chapter four!

Naruto/Kaoru votes are... 4!

Naruto/megumi votes are... 4!

And Naruto/Misao votes are... 1. Eh?

Ok that's not that bad! Thanks for the response, though some people wanted him to have all three... (angry twitch).

Summary: Kaoru's father is killed during the revolution, leaving three year old Kaoru alone far to soon. However an old friend of her father sends someone to take care of her for awhile out of respect. Becoming attached to her, the ninja decides to stay. How much would Rurouni Kenshin change if Kaoru had an overprotective brother through all of it? Especially, if he none other than Uzumaki Naruto?

That's... A pretty large summary. Maybe I should condense it a little...

Meh. Whatever.

* * *

damn it all...' Hijo tried to move his other arm upwards, but found it wouldn't respond.

A dry sob broke through and he cursed the murmurs of the people around him. He wouldn't cry, not around these bastards.

He wouldn't make it back to his child.

His body convulsed from the agony and his sob echoed through the street. Oh god, his baby. His little, defenseless Kaoru.

"Please," It was soft, and gurgled by his blood. The murmurs grew almost quite around him. His Kaoru.

"Sp..." Hijo trailed off, the footsteps came closer to him then. He could see the shadow next to his face. He made out the bottom of a white gi, and sandals. He tried again.

" Spare, my Kaoru." He hoped, no needed them to have honor. That they would respect his dieing wish.

A sword went through his skull then, putting an end to his suffering.

* * *

Chapter four. Who's wearing the dress in this relationship?

By Evilpinklolli

Have you ever seen something so stupid, you got a headache?

It was the middle of the summer and the heat cooked everything. It was so uncomfortable that even the bugs refused to go to work. Most people were inside their homes, the only thing keeping them from striping, their modesty. The few elders that traveled down to the shopping district, were keeping wet towels on their balding heads.

It was the middle of the afternoon, and in the Kamiya residence dojo, three thirteen year olds sat silently, fanning themselves desperately.

"...Hey?" Hijo looked up from his spot on the dojo floor. His clothes were drenched in sweat, and the front of his gi was ripped by a training sword. He was still trying to wrap his bloody knuckles that he got from the mini brawl. His face was red from both the heat and pain.

"What?" Jiraiya frowned at him from his spot on the stairs. Tsunade, who had laid down by the dojo doors in a desperate attempt to cool down, rolled her eyes, never looking up from her scroll.

"Don't 'what?' me!" Jiraiya pointed his finger at Hijo's face, causing him to frown. What was with this guy and pointing at people?

"You know what you did! You started a street fight for some stupid little flower girl!" Jiraiya flung his arms into the air, flinging his fan across the room.

"You're always the one talking about honor, patience, respect, yada yada yada! And you beat the crap out of some upper clansman's and chase them off the Kamiya residence over a girl? She was only ten for gods sakes!" Hijo scowled. It was too hot for this.

Yes, the three of them had gotten into a fight in which his father had punished him for. It wasn't like it was his fault though, Yamichi was the one who made the first insult of his character. You couldn't blame him for throwing the first punch and braking his nose after bringing his childhood friend's purity into question. Hijo wouldn't admit it to Jiraiya, but he really didn't mind braking his fingers on the boys face.

"Inoue," Hijo stated in a matter of fact tone, " is not some stupid little flower girl." Both boys turned to glare at eachother, though Jiraiya could only use one eye, the other was completely swollen and black. Tsunade had outright refused to heal any of their injuries they had gotten from the fight.

This time Tsunade pushed herself up, stomping over to the two boys. She then grabbed the bandages from Hijo's hands and whacked them over the head with the other. Both cried out and cradled their heads in their arms.

She turned to Hijo, "Yes you did." She turned to Jiraiya, "No she isn't." She turned away, stomping back over to the door. She stopped before leaving to turn around and glare them down with the darkest of stares. The room actually seemed to get hotter. The very fires of hell behind her head.

"I'm going to take a cold bath. Don't bother me," somehow her face got darker even in the brightly light room, "And never speak to me about that girl again. Ever."

The sound of the slamming door echoed through the dojo. Both boys were stiff from fear and pain.

"What," Hijo finally said after gaining enough courage, he whined as he softly rubbed the growing lump on his scalp. "What's her problem? All I said was she was pretty and I was going to marry her." Jiraiya shrugged.

"Like the hell I know, women are scary." He went to grab his fan, groaning as he staggered across the dojo. Damn samurai-wanna-be got him pretty good in the ribs. Jiraiya paused for a second, rethinking what he said, before he grinned. "and very, very sexy."

This time Hijo rolled his eyes, going back to fanning himself. "You're the most dissociable brat." He looked down at his hand, red and bruised by breaking Yamichi's nose and jaw.

"... I'm still gonna marry her."

Jiraiya rolled his working eye, muttering a response under his breath before pulling out a scroll. He grabbed a paint brush and ink out of his pocket before biting his finger. Hijo watched him as he lazily started to unroll the scroll and dip his finger into the ink. Tsunade and him had been staying at his father's dojo for almost two months now, and this wasn't the first time he had seen his friend's 'jutsus-magic' before. But...

Hijo turned to stare at his hands, deep in thought. He had watched Jiraiya use the traveling seal before, or as the creator liked to call it " the most awesome coolest you-must-be-jealous-of-my-superness-" portal between worlds almost enough time to recite it himself. However, every time he started the process Hijo couldn't fight off the needle prickling sensation he got. Like someone had poured extremely hot water on his hands, his body almost shook with a feeling he couldn't quite place yet. It wasn't fear, or excitement, that was for sure.

"... Hey."

"What?" Jiraiya didn't look up from the scroll as he worked on the second of the thirty eight smaller spirals. A drip of sweat fell on the paper, causing Jiraiya to curse.

"Don't you think... You should tell someone about this? It's a pretty big deal, right?" Hijo stopped staring at his hands to look at the door Tsunade left through. Jiraiya stopped painting.

"I mean, you haven't even told your master about this right? And you have another teammate you both are leaving out of the loop, right?" He tried to stress his concerns, knowing Jiraiya wasn't really paying attention. He paused.

"Don't you... Have a family? Aren't they worried that you and Tsunade just randomly disappear for days? And what about your arms? Doesn't the seal burn you or something like that?"

Jiraiya snorted and brought the brush up to his mouth to chew on it. A clear sheen of sweat had already developed on his forehead from the chakra absorption of the seal, the spirals he had already painted moving only slightly. A sharp burning sensation went through his arm and Jiraiya shook it in agitation. Stupid god made rule book.

"And that's why I ain't telling them nothing!" Jiraiya crossed his arms and huffed, giving a moment for Hijo to rethink his age. "The moment I tell sensei anything about this, he's gonna whack me over the head and tell me it's forbidden! Bah! Forbidden my ass! And Tsunade's family would kill me if they knew I was doing something as dangerous as this with her. Her brother's a pyromaniac you know!" He threw his arms out in emphasis.

"And didn't I tell you before," Jiraiya stuck his tongue out at him, "The more I force the interaction, the less tension occurs between the artificial dimensional bridge and the foundation, which pretty much means less pain during the sealing." He chewed on the end of the stick, grinning.

" All I got to figure out now is how to keep the bridge stable enough where fusion and solidification ceases all together. After that me and Tsunade won't have to worry about getting stuck on either side or smashing both together!"

Hijo tried to pay attention to what the hell he just said, really he did. But he found he couldn't stop his eyes from glazing over as Jiraiya started to say something about _the dimensional curvature of the double helix also creating a new, fascinating perspective to expanding the depths of travel_. He could feel the pull of mindlessness as he started to ramble on and on.

The darkness of oblivion calling to him to look...

Jiraiya noticed that he was losing him, and bit the paint brush harder and pointed at his chest. " And after all, master would just be jealous he didn't come up with this himself years ago! I mean, I outsmarted the creator of existence, the beginning of all, the head honcho, mono e mono, the ruler of everything! The Kami himself! _I_ would be jealous!" Hijo sputtered and glared at him, finally coming back to reality.

"D-d-don't act like an idiot! How could you say something like that! It's got to be bad luck, rubbing it in the face of kami!" He growled in frustration, pulling at his own hair, "It's like you're just asking for something horrible to happen, dumbass!"

"Bah! Whatever," Jiraiya went back to painting the seals, "What's the worse that can happen anyways? Forced combination of another existence onto a one dimensional surface? Creation turns into a poorly written television soap opera?"

Hijo twitched madly as his friend went back to mumbling on about whatever the hell "super uncool three layered screw ups" were. Hijo tired to stop his eye from twitching madly, rethinking the entire "The sword that does not kill" thing. It was really, really too hot for this!

"Didn't you..." Jiraiya didn't notice as he snuck up behind him. If he had taken his sensei lessons to heart he would have felt the killer intent a mile away.

Before Jiraiya could react Hijo wrapped his arm around his throat, putting him in a chock hold. The bottle of ink spilt everywhere, and his ink brush went flying. Jiraiya could only let out a gurgle noise before Hijo brought his fist down into his nose, deeming him unconscious.

"DIDN'T YOU SAY THE END OF EVERYTHING YOU DUMBASS!"

* * *

Jiraiya sneezed, covering his bottle, cup of warm beer, as well as a now unhappy prostitute, in snot.

"Gah...some annoying brat must be talking about me." Jiraiya brought his cup back to his lips and took a sip. His day had been peaceful. In between his gathering information for his icha icha series, and relaxing with the toad elders, it was pretty uneventful. Just like he liked it.

"It's a great day..." He took another sip, staring off at the striper on the table as she slowly removed her bra, "wonder what bad omen is coming my way, eh?"

He giggled like a school girl when the naked girl next to him tugged at his sleeve.

Oh yea, life was good.

* * *

Where the hell was that old man Ogani or something? Naruto positioned his back onto the side of the table. He shifted the girl awkwardly before looking at the door in desperation. The old man still hadn't shown up. He quickly looked between the child and the door. Koaru was biting her fingers from the amount of stress she was under.

Naruto twitched frantically. How long does it take to make tea damn it!

Naruto was not really sure what he was doing. He had tried to rock her to sleep, but that didn't work. So it slowly turned into soft pats on the back and using his newly acquired sleeve as a hankie. After that, he had tried to pick her up and sit her on his lap facing him, so he could access her.

At least he wasn't a complete idiot, he figured out this girl was his newly made charge. Naruto ran his bandaged hands through her messed up ponytail again, he tried to think of another solution. If this was really Kamiya Koaru, which he was pretty sure it was, the first step in his mission would be to make sure she was alright. He could just imagine going home and facing grandma and saying,

_"Hey old hag! Sorry and all, but the brat wouldn't stop crying so I just left her there because she was really, really annoying. What do yea know, but it turns out she was dieing from internal bleeding or some shit like that! All I saw was a bruise on her face. Well, I guess you should have sent a medic- team instead, huh? Anyway, Bye-bye!"_

Naruto twitched frantically as he checked the toddler over in his lap for any more injuries, again. The girl didn't like the idea of being looked at, and instead buried herself into his gi.

Yeah, he so wouldn't be fed to some alternate reality -demon-of-hell- if the girl turned out to be really hurt. The girl, Kaoru, from what the mission report said, started to rub her face with both hands, smearing snot and tears. Naruto brought his sleeve back to her face, whipping it a little too rough.

Kaoru's lower lip poked out and trembled dangerously, her eyes filling up with threatening tears. Naruto freaked.

He didn't really know how to deal with children. To make matters worse, he couldn't handle himself around girls. And, from what Naruto could only guess was divine punishment for actually pissing on god's hand book, he could not- he repeated- _could not_ deal with girls crying.

Dear god, he was really, really sorry.

"H-hey now," Naruto spoke softly and horse, though his hand shook, he tried to keep his voice calm. He had only dealt with one child in his life, and that being konohamaru. And he didn't count, in seeing how much of a brat he was.

"Hey, if you don't stop," Naruto brought his sleeve up to clean her face. Kaoru sniffled loudly and looked up at him. "Your face will never get back to normal." Dear god this was awkward. Where the hell was that old doctor, Gensai or something. He was an assassin, not a babysitter damn it!

Please god, if you just make her stop crying, I'll burn all the records of this spiral seal and become a monk!' Naruto prayed desperately, patting the girl's head in a hopeless attempt to keep the tears from falling.

"...sword." Kaoru finally looked at him in the eyes, her own glassy with unspilled tears. "Owie..." Naruto tilted his head to the side in confusion and really looked at the child. He was actually really surprised by just how tiny she was.

She most definitely did not look three, and in height she most likely only went passed his shin. He would have guessed around one in a half had the mission report not told him.

The hair style didn't help either- a high ponytail, with, he swore on Sakura's forehead, a ribbon as big as her head keeping it together. His eyes traveled down to the dirt stained light blue kimono that was falling off, the tie in the middle unwrapped, and the side of her sleeve barely on her shoulder. She was only wearing one sock too. Naruto grunted, it was obvious since her father's death she hasn't had a caretaker. Finally, he looked at his hand that was rested on the girls back. It spread across the entire length of her torso. Damn, he could probably encircle her entire body with just his hands and still have room left over.

Naruto looked back up at her face, she was still looking at him through his gi. Tracing the dark circles under the toddlers eyes, as well as the chapped lips, she looked a mess. Kaoru's cheeks and nose were red, the dark brownish bruise on her left cheek standing out harshly. He resisted the urge to glare at it, pissed off that something so dirty marred the girls face. But he didn't, knowing the toddler might mistake it for being directed at her. She was still biting away at her abused fingertips.

Naruto scratches his head and clicked his tongue in frustration. What to do, what to do? He looked down at Kaoru to find her staring off into his jacket sleeve.

She was staring right at his Uzumaki spiral. Eh...

Ah! That was it! A distraction!

A half awkward grin made it to his face. He quickly formed his hands into his all fimilar stance, whispering out the name of the forbidden art. He was relieved when the girl in his arms barely noticed the change in air pressure caused by the chakra use, or the mutiple loud popping noises behind her. He quickly cast another, before finally noticing how the girl unconsciously stiffened at his surge of chakra.

Wait, What? He took a glance at her face, seeing how it didn't change. Huh? Interesting.

Even though he was in a reality where ninjustus didn't exist, his charge still subconsciously reacted to it? He filed it away in his mind to look into later. After all, the sealing rules dictated that, "if it doesn't exist at all, It will not in anyway effect." So, why the hell did it look like his chakra affected a person in this reality? He couldn't help but flinch at the thought. What if he already broke something?

What if-!

He waved it off. Later, later. Right now focus on the mentally drained, hysterical girl in your lap. Not the fact that it looks like you might have already destroyed existence. Yep, good idea, great idea. Naruto grunted, pulling his hands away from the girl. He leaned back on the desk, catching eye contact with the person across from him. Hopefully, this worked.

* * *

It was then that Kaoru noticed a long, delicate finger tapped her softly on her shoulder. She blinked, her eyes shifting down to stare at Naruto's hands that lay limp at his side. Kaoru looked back up at the unknown man's face, surprised that- instead of the slightly panic look he had been wearing, he now was grinning. It was a playful grin too, catching the girl off guard enough where she stop gnawing on her fingers. She stared at him, waiting for the man to look down at her with the same expression as before so she could cuddle up to his chest. Instead, he just kept looking behind her.

Kaoru didn't like that.

The gold hair man was the first person to actually pay attention to her all day. Everyone else was so sad, and looked at her really sad, and they came and left really, really sad. The old man that always brought her treats had said it was because today was a bad day and it was okay for her to be sad too. Because her papa was gone now. He wouldn't come back, which made her sad at first. She frowned and tilted her head up at the gold man. She was really, really sad now because her face hurt a lot. And she wanted the gold man to cuddle and be nice to her more. Kaoru's lower lip trembled dangerously, the hand that had been previously in her mouth grabbed his gi. She was about to start trembling again when she felt the familiar tapping on her shoulder. It had a little more force now, more confidence. Kaoru turned around in his lap, confused.

Did the gold man have three hands?

Kaoru came face to face with a woman, her blonde hair pulled tight into two ponytails on either side of her head. Her hair falling like small waves to her waist. She had a pout on her face just like Kaoru, however her face was covered in geisha makeup. Her lips, which were pushed out, was covered in a bright red lipstick that matched the red flower pins in her hair. She was wearing a black kimono, etchings of gray and red butterflies on her sleeves. In her hand, was a delicate black and red fan. Kaoru's mouth opened wide in shock, as she stared wide eyed at the women behind her.

She had never seen someone so pretty!

"Hime-sama?" The women's voice was soft and soothing. It felt like warm tea to Kaoru, and she followed the movement of the geisha's lips.

"If you cry like that, Hime-sama, I will be unable to give you your present." The women's lips turned upwards, her voice taking a tune of laughter. She brought her fan up to her face and opened it, covering it until only her eyes peeked over the edges. Kaoru's eyes grew huge, before she blushed, her tears forgotten. Her entire face turned bright red just like the geisha's lipstick. Kaoru let go of Naruto's jacket to completely turn around in his lap. She stared at the geisha who giggled behind her fan, her face full of awe.

"Pr-present?" Her voice sounded weird to her, like she was talking through a blanket or something. It was all scratchy. Naruto sighed in relief behind her as she forgot about crying. Finally!

The sexy jutsu kage bushin matched his look of victory behind its fan. Hell yea, good going boss! Had it not been ordered to be extremely feminine it probably would have done a Lee "nice guy pose" in celebration, kimono or not.

"Yes Hime-sama," the clone giggled softly, "It's magic!" Kaoru 'oh'ed' in wonder. Naruto quickly nodded his head before forming his hands into a seal. Kaoru tilted her head to the side and blinked a couple times as the geisha brought her fan away from her face and tapped it on the girl's head.

"Magic?" Even the clone had to admit, the way the girl was tilting her head to the side like a puppy was simply just adorable. The clone hummed and nodded its head in agreement, tapping its fan softly ontop of her head.

"Yes," the clones eyes curved up, copying Kakashi's trademark smiley face, "I'm going to turn into a cute little animal for you to play with, using magic Hime-sama."

It all but purred at the look of pure adoration the girl was giving It. For a fucking babysitting mission, the child made it easier to handle. Afterall, It wasn't going to lie, she was extremely cute.

Boss gave it a look behind the girl, making it want to pout all over again. It was not _stalling_, It was just simply enjoying the moment, gosh! So demanding. The clone took in a breath of air and giggled louder, holding the fan over its head as a "are you ready?" sign. Kaoru nodded quickly, grabbing Naruto's hamaka pant in excitement.

"Here. We. Go! Hime-sama!" Naruto added chakra to the seal, hissing underneath his breath the needed words.

A shrill squeal went through the room, a sudden large amount of smoke filling the small space.

* * *

Oguni Gensai did not think of himself as a judgmental man. There were times in his clinic he would treat a patient even though they did not have the money. He took care of samurai of the war on the side he did not care for. Even after his wife's passing, he could not find himself to blame his nephew who accidentally caused her injury. No, Gensai had never been a person to judge another before the facts.

But, he would be lying if he said he didn't feel weary of the golden hair foreigner, Uzumaki Naruto.

He had taken his time with the tea, letting it cool slightly to give the boy time to dress himself and his injuries. He didn't practically like the idea of leaving him alone in the residence for such a long time. However, he had set his room on the other side of the dojo- on the other side of the house from his unofficial adopted granddaughter.

He sighed at the thought of her. He had tried to take her back to the clinic, but for a tiny child she could put up a fierce fight. She was so desperate to stay in her dojo, she literally scratched and bit her way out of anyone's arms to stay.

Two of the local families had brought up the idea of adopting her, one family had children that studied under her father. That family was a rather large one of eight boys, their mother intent on raising the girl to become the "perfect, acceptable bride." Gensai snorted, if only that would happen. The moment the women met Kaoru he knew it wouldn't work.

She had grabbed the little girl's hand and yanked her to her feet, telling her a lady does not sit in the dirt. Little Kaoru, who had never had a mother, promptly bit her.

Ah, that girl. Gensai slowly picked up the tea tray, careful that his old hands did not drop it.

After Kaoru's bite, the women decided to hit her on the backside as punishment, forgetting that the girl had been raised surrounded by _swordsmen_ with the fierce devotion of striking back and defending oneself. After the little one finished gnawing out a good piece of the women's hand, the women -Urichi might of been it- went into a rage.

He slid open the door and stepped into the hallway. Twenty minutes should be enough to get dressed, yes?

The woman had screeched and squawked all through the courtyard, every family that had attended the funeral still present to pay their respects. She had screeched about how the girl was a beast while holding up her bleeding hand for everyone to see. She went on and on about how the little girl was a dishonorable motherless child, the failed leftovers of an honorable name. Then, from the blood loss of her life threatening wound, she passed out in the arms one of her many children. Gensai resisted rolling his eyes at the time, seeing how that would be disrespectful while near the shrine of his fallen friend. It didn't stop him from not caring for her injuries though, giving the women's husband his medical opinion to get her _the hell away from the damn dojo_.

He took slow steps down the hallway to calm himself. He had always found tea brewing to be relaxing in a way. It was a good was to calm the nerves. Gensai took in a steady breath, listening for the sound of his steps on the wooden floor. Ah, soothing.

After that no other family approached for almost a week, which really worried him. He had begun to feel like he would have to take her in himself, when a small family showed up at his door yesterday afternoon. There were just two of them, a husband and wife who had just lost their own five year old daughter a few years prior. They were kind and soft spoken. The husband bowing low in respect to the just passed Kamiya head. The wife had brought Kaoru some warm sweet buns to eat while they talked about the adoption. Gensai had been ready to give them his blessing. He sighed as he saw the man's room down the hallway.

It was going so well. The man was polite, ready to teach Kaoru manners while also giving her peace of heart, while the wife was ready to be a mother again. He physically flinched at the memory. All was going better then expected...

Until the wife started calling Kaoru, Michiru, and tried to force a hair pin into her hair while pulling out her ribbon. The man then pulled out a kimono from his bag that was clearly old and worn out, telling the child how nice it would be on her. He didn't need to be a shamen to know that the name was of their dead daughter and that was her dress, and from the once hidden look of insanity on both of their faces, he didn't need to see anymore to decline them.

He shifted the tray into one arm as he reached the door. Now, he had to deal with a strange foreign teenager who quite clearly said he is on a mission to adopt his little Kaoru? Gensai never thought he would say it but, he was too old for this. He sighed before bringing his hand up to knock. Really, he wasn't really judging anymore right? After everything that had happened this reaction would be normal-

He was cut off from his mussing by loud giggling. Gensai blink, unsure whether it was even possible for a teenage boy to make such a sound. It was too deep to be Kaoru, and he didn't remember seeing anyone entering the residence-

"Here. We. Go! Hime-sama!" Huh? Who in the world? He didn't remember any women-

"**BOOOOOM**!"

A shrill squeal went through the room, a sudden large amount of smoke filling it and burst through the cracks of the door. Gensai jumped and gasped, almost tipping the tray over. His other hand grabbed his chest in fright as he fell over onto his behind, somehow keeping the tea from spilling. Dear Kami! What the hell was going on? He was up before he could adjust, flinging the door open as hard as he could. The last remaining smoke rushed past him, obstructing his view.

What met him, Gensai, twenty years later, he still gets flustered about.

* * *

Naruto cursed when he heard the sounds outside the door. He was too caught up in the moment to take notice of anything else, and before he could do anything the door slammed open, indicating he had been caught. He froze in a cold sweat as his eyes meet the old mans. Kaoru was still sitting in his lap waiting for the remaining smoke to pass, a large goofy smile on her face.

It didn't help however, that during her excitement she had leaned back onto his chest, using Naruto's lap like a chair, her hands grabbing onto his arms. The gust of wind from the explosion worked on her already half undid kimono - the top lay scrunched up by her shoulders revealing the child's chest, the tie in the middle which was already efficiently loose gave way opening the front of her dress...she still had only one sock on.

To put it quite bluntly, _everything was showing._

Add the messed up hair from Naruto rubbing her scalp to calm her down, the bruise on the side of her face, and the blush she had from excitement... It did not look good. Naruto looked down and his eyes bulged.

A tiny, naked child in a unknown guy's lap. Check. Unknown said guy -him- holding the girl in place on said lap by thoughtlessly grabbing her by the waist? Check. Scary relative of child finding them in this position? Also, unfortunately, true.

Naruto turned to stone as the situation clicked.

Oh shit, oh shit!

"W-w-wait! I can explain!" He held up his good arm in defense, trying desperately to scoot away from the old doctor.

"It's all a big misunderstanding old man, I swear!"

Gensai saw red. He threw the tea tray on the ground, the china shattering on impact, and he charged.

"_HOW _DARE_ YOU_!"

Naruto wailed as Gensai grabbed the front of his gi, hosting the boy up from his sitting position face to face. Kaoru tumbled off his lap in a not so graceful manner, but she didn't seem to care much. She was too busy looking at the other side of the room.

Pure rage was on Gensai's face, and even if it didn't exist in this realm, Naruto swore the old man's killer intent was greater then even a jounins. Naruto's face turned as pale as a ghost as the man's face morphed into pure horror. Oh dear fucking god! He wailed as the elder man snapped his teeth in a very demon way, and he swore smoke from hell was coming out of his nostrils.

Never mind! The kid did not need him! Who would need a ninja to watch over you when you have your own personal demon grandpa? Naruto went over his will in his mind, begging for a quick death. The grip on his gi tighten and the old man snarled-!

"Foggy!"

Both men froze at the loud declaration, knocking Gensai back into his senses. He turned around quickly in order to get his granddaughter. He needed to her to safety! He let go of the boy, and for his age swiftly turn to make a grab at the girl. Her back was to him, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was getting her out of her, away from that monster, and to _kill that brat_! His left hand barely grazed her shoulder, when she turned to look up at him. Gensai froze.

She was still grinning like an idiot.

"Jiji!" The three year old squealed, "Magic!" He flinched. What? What happen? Had the boy slipped her some sort of drug? _That little shit_-!

"YO! NARUTO! I want some snacks!"

Gensai head snapped up, his brown eyes making contact with a set of beady black orbs. He stopped breathing.

In the middle of the room was a purple frog as tall as Kaoru, standing on his back legs, wearing clothes, and eating _dango_. Kaoru squealed in delight and rushed forward, taking the frog in with a large hug.

Kaoru was touching it, that meant it was real. Gensei turned to stone. He twitched frantically when the boy behind him started to laugh nervously.

"Ehhehe," Naruto scratched the back of his head and all the color left Gensei's face.

"Well...Surprise!"

Gensai then, with the wisdom of many men, screamed like a little school girl.

* * *

Chapter four...DONE!

Hell yeah! If I keep this up, nothing can stop me! Ha! Well, except that I haven't slept in two day. Oh Hell, who the crap cares! WRITING TILL YOU DROP TIME! Whooohooo!

Evilpinklolli: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kenshin: Oro, she's at it again.

Kaoru: I can't believe you! Referencing that Naruto-nee is a lollicon! Have you no shame as a writer?

Evilpinklolli: Yea, well! ...Wait a minute? How the hell do you know what a lollicon is? Aren't you like, three right now?

Kaoru: The-t-that's not the point! The point is take back what you said about Naruto-nee you evil person!

Evilpinklolli: But, don't you end up with either kenshin or Naruto? Their like, twice your age...Oooooh I get it! You liiiiike him don't you!

Kaoru: S-s-s-shut THE HELL UP!

Review and don't pay any attention to the mindless babbling of the author, please.

Thank you.

Evilpinklolli


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